Archive | humour RSS feed for this section

The captured terrorist from Pakistan should be sent back to Pakistan without any trial because …

6 Aug

1. Because he claims to be a juvenile (it is possible to prove age via medical means does not matter).
2. It will be good for India-Pak relations.
3. He is mentally unsound – otherwise why would he have been caught in the first place.
4. He is only a pawn in the bigger picture.  Not much is achieved by hanging the small fish.
5. By hanging him for waging war against the nation we are not being secular.
6. There is not enough evidence to prove that he killed – the people who died due to his attacks are unable to appear in court and recognize him.
7.  One of the wounded survivors was confused and couldn’t recognize him once; when the survivor was heavily sedated by pain killers.
8.  He is a POW; isn’t LeT etc waging war against India?  We are bound by the Vienna convention.
9.  Think of the money all of us can make if he features in a movie (preferably by Mahesh Bhatt – please sir, humor us) based on a few facts of his life and many sympathetic facts of fiction.
10. Barkha Dutt can get a Nobel Peace Prize by shrill preaching for this loveable bloke on NDTV.  This will really do India proud – come think of it.  Even Mahatma Gandhi couldn’t get a Nobel for Peace.

Let us play cricket with Pakistan instead.

 

—————–

The contents of this post is meant to be satire and is indeed virtual reality.  You already knew that – didn’t you?

Advertisements

Ultimate proof : It’s a man’s world

24 Jul

If you want to swear at a woman you swear at her.  But if you want to swear at a man you need to swear at this female relatives.

Are you dating a doctor?

16 Jul

doctor.dating

Are you dating a doctor?  More specifically is it your first (or first few) date?  Keep these things in mind –

1. Do not forget to do your blood work before meeting your doctor BF.  He cannot start a conversation before looking into those beautiful numbers in front of him.
2. Ensure that your stomach is half full and you are well hydrated.  If you drink too much of water he will think you are diabetic.  If you drink too little he will think that you have kidney problems.  If you eat too much he will think that you have thyroid problems.  If you eat too little he will think you have some obscure disease.
3.  Do not share the medical history of your family, esp of your parents and grand-parents with him.  He will look for each of those symptoms in every move of yours and get you tested infinitely for all those diseases.
4.  Do not take him to visit a sick relative.  He will expect to see all the reports and medicines and hear a description of the symptoms.  You will be praying that he doesn’t ask for cash at the end of it.
5. Do not expect him to return your calls – he will be always busy.  Only when he is with you he will be on call advising one patient or the other.

Do you have any more tips?  Do let me know – leave a comment below.

73 students crash (fail) out of IIT Roorkee

12 Jul

The students along with their parents and families and neighbors and villages are sitting on a dharna in front of the institute gheraoing the dean and professors.  Raul scion of an illustrious political family sits on an hour long hunger strike demanding –
1. No student should be failed for the first three years of the course.
2. For all reserved seats the passing grade in the final year will be 3.5.
3. The passing grade for all non-reserved seats will be revised to 6.5 in order to keep the average GPA for passing at 5.0 and so that the quality and reputation of the institute is maintained.
4. The professors who have given these students less than 5.0 marks in any paper should give a public apology in writing for failing in thier jobs to teach these students.
5. Since the above 4 were not in operational for these years the students were not able to budget their time well and tried too hard to obtain 5.0.  Hence as a special exemption these students should honorably given a pass irrespective of their score.

————————

The facts in this blog are virtual – except  the headline.

Related links:

Woman Attacked in ATM : Indians rush to get QR codes

20 Nov

Image

19-Nov-2013 :  In the early hours of the morning a 38 year old lady was attacked and grievously injured in an ATM.The CCTV footage, though grainy, clearly show a middle aged man wearing a blue and checked shirt assaulting the woman with a machete.  The city police are confident of arresting the man based on the photographic evidence.

crosseye

The Home Minister in replying to media persons has agreed that safety of the citizens should be of highest priority and towards this end circulated a draft ordinance which detailed the procedure in which every person in the state will have a unique QR code tattooed on his or her forehead.  This will make it easy to identify the assailants in the future.  He also said that Sri Bandan Bilekani has kindly consented to lead this effort.  The QR code allotment and tattooing will be taken up on a war footing and will be completed within a record time of fifty years.  The expenses of the first year Rupees One Lakh Crore (Rs.1,00,00,000,00,00,000/-)has already been released for this purpose.  In parallel the best science institute in the country has started research on how to make the tattoo’s visible on the generally dark complexion of locals.  The possibility of fairness creams or white ink tattoos is being examined.

———————-

The attack in this blog is true though the rest is fiction.  As you obviously know.

———————-

On a serious note : Yes, making fun of a woman in trouble is not humor rather it is bad taste.  But in this case it is really helplessness.  How often have you seen policemen in Bangalore hiding behind trees to collect black/white fines from motorists instead of managing traffic?  Where are the police, enforcement machinery, etc. when you need them?  Unfortunately life is and will continue to be cheap in India – there are a billion more so no worries!

Work For Home (WFH) :-D

16 Jan

WFH well summarized by Dilbert 🙂 http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2011-08-14/ 🙂

  1. Do you work from home?
  2. How effective is it?
  3. Incase you need to explain something, anything, to a colleague is it possible to do it effectively over internet instead of over the white board?
  4. Are the same questions associated with outsourcing?
  5. Have you witnessed people work-for-home rather than work-from-home?
  6. Do you think it reduces team spirit?
  7. Do you think it reduces visibility?
  8. Do you think people who are good in talking (may or may-not be equally good in working) do better in WFH scenarios?
  9. I would like to know your thoughts – let me know.
  10. Finally … have you ever made it to the control group 😀 😉 😀

Corporate budgets :-) 101 by Dilbert …

16 Jan

… see http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2012-01-15

%d bloggers like this: